A few days after the camping trip with the Tojo family. Haruto visited the Tojo house as usual and was diligently studying sideby-side with Ayaka in her room. “Haruto-kun, about this problem here…” “Ah, for this one, you break down the angle in the question using standard angles, and then use the addition theorem…” Haruto stopped his own studying to explain how to solve the problem to Ayaka. “Ah, I see… Then this would be with 30° and 45°… Um, since it’s sin…” Ayaka tapped her mechanical pencil against her notebook, trying to recall the formula. Haruto gave her a hint. “Saita Cosmos, Cosmos Saita.” “Ah! That’s right! Then this is sin30° times cos45° and…” With Haruto’s advice, Ayaka applied the formula to solve the trigonometry problem. Soon after, she reached the answer, and Ayaka let out a light sigh, “Phew~”. “I got it~” She wore an expression full of accomplishment. However, seeing that the next problem was also trigonometry, she pouted her lips slightly, “Hmm.” “I wonder why we learn trigonometry? I really don’t think we’ll ever use sine, cosine, or tangent when we become adults?” Haruto let out a small chuckle at Ayaka, who was adorably complaining beside him. “Skyscrapers, airplanes flying, roads and cars existing – it’s all thanks to trigonometry, you know?” “Is that so? Really?” “Really. Plus, if you master trigonometry, you can cut a whole cake however you want.” “Huh? Cake? What do you mean?” At Haruto’s words, Ayaka tilted her head, a question mark floating above it. “For example, when you want to divide a whole cake into three equal parts, that means 2π/3, so you decompose it into partial fractions, π/2 +
π/6, and then since sin π/6 is equal to 1/2, you mark a spot on half of the whole cake’s half and──” “Wait! Wait a minute! I don’t understand what you’re saying at all!” “Huh? Really?” Ayaka interrupted Haruto’s explanation midway.
Haruto tilted his head and looked blankly at her. “You learned in the previous class that π/6 is 30°, and a 30° triangle has ratios of 1:2:√3, right? So, sin π/6 is—” “Wah~ wah~ wah~! I don’t want to hear about sin or π anymore~!” Ayaka covered her ears with both hands and shook her head, shutting out Haruto’s explanation. Haruto gave a wry smile at her resistance. “If you can’t cut a cake into equal parts properly, you’ll fight with Ryotakun.” At his words, Ayaka took her hands away from her ears, leaned just slightly towards Haruto, putting a little weight on him, and said, “In that case, I’ll ask Haruto-kun to cut the cake for me.” “……!?” Ayaka said this in a slightly spoiled tone, and Haruto couldn’t help but be lost for words. Ever since the day they went camping, spending the night together under the starry sky, Haruto had felt Ayaka’s proximity was closer than usual. As for him, since that night, he had felt more strongly attracted to Ayaka Tojo than ever before, and the current situation was putting considerable strain on his heart. “I won’t necessarily be there when you eat cake.” Unable to look directly at the charming girl, Haruto lowered his gaze to his notebook and said weakly. Ayaka, in contrast, looked up at his downward-turned profile with slightly moist eyes and whispered the question. “……You won’t be there?” “…! How… I mean, more importantly, we need to make serious progress with studying, summer break is almost over, after all.” Haruto deflected the topic, as if running away from her. He had felt his heart skip a beat for Ayaka many times before, even during their ‘practice’ as a couple. However, since that night, Haruto’s heart seemed to have been completely captivated by her, and staying at the previous distance became impossible without his emotions getting uncontrollably chaotic. Today, Ayaka had suggested practicing being a couple again. But because he was finding it difficult to control his emotions, Haruto had avoided the practice with her, citing summer homework and the upcoming test after the break as reasons.
“You need to get good grades on the test after the break, Ayaka. I’ve told Ikue-san and others that I come to Ayaka’s room before my part-time job to teach you.” “Ugh… I don’t want summer break to end…” Haruto gave a wry smile at Ayaka’s sullen expression. “If your test results are bad, Ikue-san will get angry, right? Asking if you weren’t studying during the summer break.” “Ugh… I don’t want that either…” Ayaka stretched her arms limply across the desk, deepening her frown, then suddenly looked at Haruto as if she had thought of something. “I think you can work hard studying if there’s something to look forward to.” “You mean a reward?” “Uh-huh, uh-huh.” Ayaka’s expression changed from the previous frown to one filled with expectation as she gazed at Haruto. “If Haruto-kun gives me a reward, I think I can work hard studying.” Gazed upon by her sparkling eyes, Haruto hesitated for a moment before slowly opening his mouth. “…Alright. Then, if you get 95 points or more in all subjects, you get a reward.” “Eh!? 95 is impossible! Let’s make it 60 or more?” Haruto’s proposed condition was too difficult, and Ayaka couldn’t help but raise her voice, stating her own standard. This time, Haruto looked surprised. “Eh? Isn’t 60 too low? Let’s make it at least 90 or more.” “I can’t study as well as Haruto-kun. How about 70?” “Hmm, well… 85.” “75.” “…………Fine. How about a reward if you get 80 points or more in all subjects?” He offered what he considered a significant compromise. Hearing that, Ayaka smiled broadly and nodded. “It’s decided! Okay, I’m going to work hard studying!” Ayaka put all her effort into facing her reference books. Her expression as she wrote in her notebook with serious eyes was somehow satisfied. Seeing that, Haruto gave a wry smile, realizing he had
completely fallen for Ayaka’s negotiation tactics, and resumed his own studying. After that, they both studied seriously. Occasionally, Ayaka would ask Haruto about parts she didn’t understand, and he would patiently teach and explain, and they diligently studied. For a while, they focused on studying. Then, Haruto suddenly noticed that the room had become unusually dark. Glancing at the clock on the wall, it was just past 2:30 PM. It was still a time when sunlight alone should have been plenty bright. “Is the weather getting bad?” Haruto muttered, looking at the sky outside the window. At his words, Ayaka, who had been focused on her notebook, also looked up and noticed the room was dark. “You’re right. Should we turn on the light?” She picked up the remote control on the desk and turned on the room light. “The morning weather forecast said it would be clear all day, though.” “It looks like it’s going to rain, doesn’t it?” Looking out the window at the thick clouds hanging low in the gloomy sky, they had such a conversation. Then suddenly, a violent rain started, as if someone had dumped a bucket. The intense sound of rain drumming against the roof in a relentless downpour. Ayaka looked at Haruto with a slightly uneasy expression. “It’s pouring.” “It is. Lately, we’ve been getting a lot of sudden downpours like this that aren’t in the forecast, haven’t we?” The unstable summer weather of recent days. The rain didn’t weaken; instead, it intensified, and proportionally, the sound of rain grew louder, and the outside grew darker. Despite it being midday, the outside was as dark as dusk. On top of that, the rain sound became more violent. They silently watched the increasingly rough scene outside the window. Then, a flash of light streaked across the sky for an instant, and a few seconds later, a heavy, low sound like the rumbling of the earth echoed. “The thunder’s starting.” “…Yeah.”
Ayaka replied weakly, her expression appearing forlorn, and she gently leaned closer to Haruto. Haruto’s emotions surged more wildly than the weather outside due to their closeness, but he desperately suppressed them. He couldn’t possibly push away Ayaka, who was genuinely scared of the thunder, so Haruto gently placed a hand on her back to reassure her. Just then, the outside became blindingly bright for a moment through the window, and at the same time, a massive explosive sound echoed, shaking the house. “Kya!?” Ayaka instinctively let out a scream. Her body jolted, and she clutched Haruto’s right arm tightly. “!?” Along with the explosive sound of thunder, he felt a soft sensation on his arm. Haruto reflexively tried to pull his arm away. At that moment, the lights went out, plunging the room into dim darkness. “W-wah!?” “Whoa!?” Because Haruto pulled his arm, Ayaka, who had a firm grip on it, lost her balance significantly and fell towards Haruto. He tried to catch her. However, the sudden thunder and power outage, coupled with her closeness, flustered Haruto, preventing him from moving his body well. As a result, he fell with Ayaka on top of him. “Ah…!” “……!” Ayaka, who had pushed Haruto down. Haruto, who had been pushed down by Ayaka. They looked into each other’s eyes in silence, their expressions filled with surprise. In the dim room due to the power outage. All Haruto could hear was the sound of the heavy rain. And his own pounding heart, just as loud. It was as if he was paralyzed; he couldn’t take his eyes off Ayaka, who was on top of him.
He knew in his head that he had to get up immediately and move away from her. But his body wouldn’t obey. His body was following his heart, not his head, it seemed. Under the cloudy sky bringing the thunderstorm, the room was dim. Despite that, Haruto simply looked into her eyes, which were clearly visible at their distance, in silence. Then, a thin, trembling voice reached his ears, a voice that seemed about to be swallowed by the fierce rain. “Haruto-kun…” She opened her lips slightly, looking straight into Haruto’s eyes. “Speaking of which… we still haven’t done… the most important practice… as a couple… have we…” Her whisper was filled with heat, yet also fragile. “Uh… no…” Haruto couldn’t form words; only meaningless sounds escaped his mouth. Like someone who had lost their language, Haruto just repeatedly opened and closed his mouth slightly. Ayaka slowly brought her lips closer to his. Her soft, lustrous hair flowed and covered Haruto, blocking out the outside world. In his current field of vision, only Ayaka, who was getting closer, remained. Inside Haruto’s mind, reason was desperately sounding the alarm. Ayaka wasn’t his real girlfriend. He shouldn’t do this. ‘Practice being a couple’ shouldn’t be used as an excuse for this. However, his body was dominated by his heart. And that heart desired her. Ayaka’s face got closer than ever before, approaching until he could feel her warm breath. Just then, the room light turned on, brightly illuminating the two of them lying on top of each other. Having been in the dimness until now, the sudden brightness made Haruto momentarily snap back to reality, and he mobilized all his reason in that instant. He placed his hands on Ayaka’s shoulders and gently pushed her away. At first, he felt a slight resistance, but as Haruto continued to push, Ayaka eventually seemed to resign herself and slowly moved away from Haruto. With Ayaka no longer on top, Haruto sat up.
Beside him, her ears were bright red, but her eyes, moist as if on the verge of tears, stared at Haruto. “Hey… Haruto-kun…” Calling his name, Ayaka tried to close the distance again. Towards her, Haruto felt emotions that threatened to explode in his chest, but he desperately feigned calmness and somehow managed to squeeze out the words. “Ayaka. The practice you just tried to do… I can’t do it.” At those words, Ayaka’s movement, which had been towards Haruto, stopped dead. “I’m truly grateful for the practice being a couple. But any more than this… I feel too guilty towards you to do it.” “…B-but! So that Grandma doesn’t find out the lie—” “Even so. Anything more than this… shouldn’t be done under the guise of practice being a couple. For Ayaka’s sake… for when she has a real boyfriend.” “…………Uh, you know! Haruto-kun!” After a brief silence, Ayaka looked at Haruto with determined eyes. However, before she could say more, Haruto spoke up and interrupted her. “Sorry. It’s almost three o’clock, so I have to start the housekeeping job.” Haruto said this flatly, without inflection, put away his study materials spread out on the desk, and then left Ayaka’s room as if he were escaping. ※※※ Haruto walked slowly and alone down a residential alleyway where the air was cool and damp after the rain. “Ah… damn…” He looked down, letting out a small curse. Having finished his housekeeping work at the Tojo house, Haruto headed home with his head down as dusk began to fall. In his mind, the events in Ayaka’s room played on repeat endlessly. “Why did I… sigh…” Her moist eyes. A small voice, trembling with anxiety, yet somehow filled with expectation.
Just remembering Ayaka’s appearance and voice made Haruto’s chest ache more intensely than he had ever experienced before. Why had he left her room like that, pushing her away? Haruto was aware of his feelings, his emotions for Ayaka. Yet, the moment she tried to close the distance, for some reason, he had an inexplicable urge to run away. He didn’t even understand himself why he had acted that way. The person he liked had made a move towards him, and he had run away from it. “I’m the worst…” During the rest of the housekeeping job, Ayaka had tried to talk to him several times. But Haruto had avoided her, pretending to be busy playing with Ryota or preoccupied with cooking. He was invited to eat dinner together, but he made a false excuse, saying he “had plans today,” and left the Tojo house just like that. Walking alone on the path in the twilight, Haruto gradually regained his composure. At the same time, a feeling of self-loathing welled up inside him due to the sheer terrible nature of his actions. He couldn’t quite articulate it, but when Ayaka had pressed herself against him, Haruto had felt a vague fear. That fear, felt deep in his heart, had rejected the idea of their relationship changing. When his contract time was up and he was quickly getting ready to leave, he caught a glimpse of Ayaka’s expression. It was something unbearable, full of anxiety and a sense of tragedy. Regarding the fact that he had made her wear such an expression, Haruto blamed himself further. “Was I such a wimp…?” Looking utterly depressed, he didn’t feel like going straight home and wandered aimlessly through the residential area. And he found a deserted park, dimly lit by faint streetlights. Haruto slowly walked towards the park and sat down on a slightly rusted swing. “Haa~…” Haruto slumped his shoulders while sitting on the swing. The upcoming housekeeping part-time job.
What kind of face should he make when he goes to the Tojo house? He continued to worry amidst his thoughts that weren’t working properly, occasionally letting out big sighs. Then, someone suddenly called out to him. “Isn’t that Haruto? What are you doing in a place like this?” When Haruto raised his face towards where the voice came from, Ishikura stood there, holding a paper bag in one hand and wearing a puzzled expression. “Huh? Kazu-senpai? What’s up?” “No no, ‘What’s up?’ is what I should be asking. Your house isn’t this way, right?” “That’s… right. Well, I was just… thinking about various things…” Haruto offered a weak bitter smile in response to Ishikura’s retort. To him, Ishikura muttered “Can’t be helped,” and sat down on the swing next to Haruto. “If it’s okay with you, I’ll listen?” “Huh? No, I’m fine.” After glancing slightly at Ishikura next to him, Haruto shook his head. “Are you really okay?” “Yes…………” After nodding slightly once, Haruto paused for a somewhat long silence before looking at Ishikura again. “Excuse me, Kazu-senpai. After all… can I ask you to listen?” “Alright.” The reliable older brother figure wore a smile on his stern face. If a normal person saw it, it would look like a cold, nihilistic smile just before a killer finishes off their target. However, for Haruto, who had spent time together at the dojo since childhood, his smile was a very warm and also dependable smile. “The story might get long, is that okay?” “Alright, don’t worry about it. Let it all out.” Taking advantage of Ishikura’s words, which showed his depth of character, Haruto told Ishikura about Ayaka and his feelings for her. Regarding the housekeeping service, since it involved the Tojo family’s privacy, he spoke about the general flow of events to Ishikura, although without mentioning names. While listening, Ishikura listened without interrupting Haruto’s story, quietly nodding in agreement.
Eventually, after hearing the story to the end, he nodded slightly and said, “I see.” “I didn’t even understand why I ran away…” To Haruto, who slumped his shoulders as he said that, Ishikura looked up slightly and chose his words carefully while thinking. “That might be related to your circumstances.” “My circumstances?” Turning towards Ishikura, Haruto tilted his head, unable to understand his words. “When you were little, you lost your parents in a traffic accident, right? And you also lost your grandfather when you entered junior high. You’ve lost important people up until now. So, somewhere in your heart, aren’t you afraid of creating new people you can consider important? Because you’re afraid of losing them someday.” “…Is that how it is? But I thought I had come to terms with my father, mother, and grandfather properly within myself?” “You ‘thought’ you had, right? Surprisingly, the depths of your heart are something even you yourself don’t understand.” Haruto slowly chewed over what Ishikura told him. The vague fear he felt when Ayaka pressed him. The impulse to run away from the change in his relationship with her. That was because he was afraid of Ayaka becoming an important person to him, and then losing her. Just like his parents and grandfather. “…Maybe that’s it…” Haruto nodded quietly. At that moment, he felt as if his mind had cleared up a little. Until now, something unknown and hazy had been swirling in his chest, but he felt as though he had somewhat understood its true nature. At the same time, he reconfirmed his feelings for her. The fact that he was afraid of her becoming an important person meant, conversely, that he wanted her to be that important person. “Haa~” Haruto let out a sigh, slightly different from before, this time containing tension. Why he had run away from Ayaka. Now that he knew the reason, he couldn’t leave this problem unresolved. He needed to face himself properly. What his own heart desired.
How strong that feeling was. However, Haruto slightly flinched at the magnitude of the emotions swelling up inside him. “Kazu-senpai. If the other person… tries to kiss you… does that mean there’s a chance?” “Isn’t that right? I don’t know, though.” To the timid Haruto, Ishikura gave a casual reply. After that, Ishikura opened his mouth as if admonishing him. “Haruto, you like that girl, don’t you?” “Uh, well… yes.” “Then don’t mope about whether there’s a chance or not. It’s strange to confess just because there seems to be a chance, right? So if there doesn’t seem to be a chance, you won’t confess?” “No, that’s…” “Right? It’s important to respect the other person’s feelings, but confessing just because they show interest… isn’t that seeing them not as someone you like, but just as someone convenient?” To Ishikura’s lecture, Haruto just listened in silence. “What’s important is your own feelings, right? How much you care about the other person. Conveying those feelings sincerely is the most important thing. If the confession succeeds, great. If not, give up completely, or desperately improve yourself to make them turn around. Worrying about how the other person feels isn’t something a man does.” At Ishikura’s straightforward words, full of manly spirit, Haruto wore a somehow refreshed expression. “Kazu-senpai, thank you. I feel like I’ve woken up.” “I see, that’s good then.” To Haruto’s thanks, Ishikura wore a frank smile. “If I were a girl, I would have fallen for Kazu-senpai.” “Stop it, that’s gross.” At Haruto’s words, Ishikura exaggeratedly grimaced slightly. Haruto showed a bright smile at Ishikura’s expression. “Thank you very much. I’ll treat you to something next time.” “It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about it.” Ishikura, waving one hand dismissively, stood up from the swing. “You seem alright now. I’m heading home?” Saying that, he picked up the paper bag he had placed at his feet. “Kazu-senpai. What’s inside that?”
“Huh? Ah, this is… a new electric whisk.” Saying that, Ishikura smirked and patted the paper bag. “It’s the latest model, you see. The whipping efficiency is on another level.” In the dimly lit, deserted, and unpopular park, the stern-faced Ishikura held a paper bag with a satisfied expression, wearing a suspicious smile. From the side, it looked completely like a scene of black market dealing. Anyone would expect the contents of the paper bag to be white powder. Thinking such things in a corner of his mind, Haruto grinned an innocent smile. “Kazu-senpai. I’m looking forward to your delicious dessert treats again.” “Alright. Leave it to me.” Exchanging such words, the two left the park and headed towards their respective homes. On the way back home, Haruto made a decision. He was smitten with Ayaka Tojo. He was deeply captivated. Then, he had to convey those feelings. However, before making that confession, there was something he had to do. That was settling the mistakes he had made in the past. Unless he did that, Haruto wouldn’t be able to face her with sincerity. He opened the front door of his house, feeling more nervous than ever before. “I’m home.” “Welcome back, Haruto.” His grandmother appeared from the back of the hallway and greeted him with a bright smile. Since he had introduced Ayaka as his girlfriend, his grandmother had been in a good mood all along. Thinking that he would have to take away that smile, Haruto’s resolve wavered. However, in order to face her properly and move their relationship forward, he could not run away. Haruto made up his mind and opened his mouth. “Grandma. There’s something I have to tell you.” With a serious look in his eyes, Haruto told the truth. In order to turn his relationship with Ayaka from a false one into a real one.
※※※ The living room was dominated by silence. Grandmother and Haruto were facing each other across the table. Haruto spoke honestly about the lie he had told. The truth that Ayaka was not his real girlfriend, without hiding anything. After listening to the story, his grandmother closed her eyes and looked down for a while, then began to speak in a slow tone. “Haruto. Is that everything you just told me? Are there no more lies?” “Yes. There are no more lies. Ayaka was pretending to be my girlfriend for me.” To his grandmother’s confirmation, Haruto nodded with a serious expression. “…Haruto, the lie you told was a terribly foolish lie. Even if you did it thinking of me.” His grandmother did not raise her voice, but scolded Haruto in a quiet tone. “Truth always follows lies. It’s easy to create something with a lie. But it will definitely be broken by the truth someday. Compared to the truth, lies are far too fragile and ridiculous. Therefore, it’s better not to lie from the start.” His grandmother stared straight at Haruto. “Yes. I’m truly sorry.” To Haruto, who bowed deeply, his grandmother opened her mouth while keeping a stern expression. “It’s not me you truly need to apologize to, Haruto. You understand that, don’t you? The worst part of your lie is that you involved Ayaka-san. Haruto, you carelessly toyed with Ayaka-san’s feelings. That is something that can never be forgiven.” “Yes…” Haruto slumped his shoulders in disappointment. Seeing her grandson like that, his grandmother sensed that he was sufficiently remorseful and relaxed her expression somewhat. “Apologize properly to Ayaka-san. Apologize sincerely and with all your heart.” “Yes. I will.” His grandmother nodded slightly at Haruto’s reply.
“People are weak creatures, you see. It’s difficult to live without making mistakes. So, what’s important is to admit the mistakes you’ve made, and never make the same mistake again. Haruto, can you promise me you won’t tell the same kind of lie for the rest of your life?” “Yes, I promise. I will absolutely never tell a lie like this again.” To Haruto, who declared clearly while looking into his grandmother’s eyes, his grandmother finally showed a small smile. She spoke in a slightly softer, warmer tone. “Haruto, you mustn’t lie to others. But more than that, you mustn’t lie to yourself. You mustn’t deceive yourself at any time. Because you’ll lose sight of yourself and won’t be able to believe in anything. At any time, be honest with yourself.” “Be honest with myself… Yes, I understand.” Until now, Haruto had been deceiving himself. He had averted his eyes from the feelings that called out to him, and kept running away from his emotions. “Also, Haruto. Apologize properly to Ayaka-san. But, you also need to listen carefully to what she says and how she feels, okay? You absolutely must not make a self-righteous apology, okay?” To his grandmother, who was emphasizing the point, Haruto nodded deeply and vigorously. “I think I’ll meet Ayaka directly and talk to her properly.” “You should do that. Okay, then that’s the end of this conversation. Shall we have dinner?” “Yes. I’ll help you, Grandma.” The two finished their conversation and headed to the kitchen side by side. After that, having finished dinner and sitting down at his desk in his room, Haruto let out a long breath, “Fuu~,” trying to calm his pounding heart from nervousness. This summer vacation, he had started going to the Tojo house for his housekeeping part-time job. There, he began interacting with Ayaka, and while surprised by the gap between how she acted at school and how she was there, Haruto was also drawn to the fact that Ayaka was a normal girl. When Haruto gently closed his eyelids, various events he had experienced through the housekeeping job this summer were reflected behind them. When he first visited the Tojo house.
Ayaka wearing a bewildered expression, with her hand still on the front door, surprised. He had thought he would never be called again, but contrary to his expectation, he ended up signing a regular contract with the Tojo house. From then on, he was liked by the Tojo family members, and it became not unusual to share dinner with them around the dining table. Occasionally, he was teased about things related to Ayaka, but Haruto really liked the bright and lively atmosphere of the Tojo family. Haruto recalled those times and felt his heart gradually warm up. He took out his smartphone and opened the chat labeled Ayaka Tojo in the messaging app. “Come to think of it, I exchanged contact information with Ayaka to go see a movie…” They decided to meet outside to discuss the schedule for going to the Animal Crossing Park, and at that time, Haruto was invited by Ayaka to see a movie together. “Was that the first time we held hands…” He could still vividly remember the moment he held her hand for the first time. Her soft, slender, beautiful hand was a little cool. But as they held hands, it gradually felt warmer, as if his own body heat was transferring to it. “I was surprised when she did the ‘couple’s grip’…” Recalling the time when the way they were holding hands was changed to the couple’s grip during the movie credits, Haruto let out a small smile and at the same time, his cheeks turned slightly red. Since then, he had held hands with Ayaka in the couple’s grip several times. In his memory, she was wearing a bright and joyful smile. Not only when they were holding hands, but Ayaka next to him always wore a joyful, radiant smile. When they went to Animal Crossing Park too. When they had a barbecue at the Tojo house too. When they did fireworks, and when they looked for ice cream together too. During the camping trip, and when they looked up at the starry sky side by side too. And when they were practicing being a couple too… From now on, too, he wanted Ayaka to keep smiling.
He wanted to stay by her side and see that smile forever. The expression full of anxiety and a sense of tragedy that she showed when Haruto ran away from her. He didn’t want to see that face again. Feeling strongly the responsibility for making her wear such an expression, Haruto operated his smartphone and typed out words. “Be honest with myself… huh.” Haruto muttered quietly and sent the message to Ayaka.
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