Tōjō Ayaka After enjoying the home festival with Haruto-kun, I started cleaning up the decorations in the living room. Unable to hide my reluctance, I said, “The home festival was so much fun…”, Haruto-kun, who was washing the dishes, smiled gently at me. “I’m glad you had fun, really.” As he said that, he rinsed the paper cups we used for the shaved ice and placed them on the drying rack. Seeing the paper cup with “Ice” written on it, I remembered the “flavorguessing game” I’d played with Haruto-kun earlier, and I could feel my face growing hot. Maybe I came on a little too strong… As the memory brought back the sensation in my mouth, I felt my heart pound and I glanced sideways at Haruto-kun. He came to see me in the pouring rain, getting soaked just for me. He made my dream of visiting festival stalls and watching fireworks with the person I like come true. He’s kind, considerate, good at housework, and does well in his studies— such a wonderful boyfriend that I feel he’s too good for me. Just having Haruto-kun by my side is enough to fill my heart. It paints my world in shades of pure happiness. My feelings for Haruto-kun kept getting stronger, and unable to suppress them, I made a bit of a bold move. As I was thinking that and staring at Haruto-kun, “Hm” he said as he finished the dishes and our eyes met. “It’s nothing.” I shook my head slightly and went back to cleaning up. I’d gotten so absorbed in staring at Haruto-kun that my hands had stopped moving. A little while later, we finished cleaning up everything from the home festival. “Well then… I should get going.”
“…Yeah.” Haruto-kun looked at the clock on the wall and spoke hesitantly. His words filled me with an overwhelming sense of loneliness. “I’ll walk you to the door.” “Yeah, thank you.” I desperately held back the words welling up inside me as I walked with Haruto-kun to the entryway. Then, after putting on his shoes and picking up his eco-bag, Haruto-kun turned around to face me. “Um… so, I guess I’ll see you at our next shift?” “Yeah. Thank you so much for today. I was really happy you came, Haruto-kun.” “Yeah, I wanted to see you too, Ayaka, and I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.” Haruto-kun said with a bright smile. That alone made my heart leap. “…Well, bye-bye.” “Bye-bye…” We waved to each other, and Haruto-kun started to leave. He slowly moved away. At that moment, unable to hold back any longer, I reached out. I grabbed the sleeve of Haruto-kun, who was about to leave, and the words that had been welling up inside me spilled from my lips saying, “…No… I want to… be with you longer.” At my words, Haruto-kun stopped the hand he was about to put on the front door and turned back to face me. “Ayaka…” “I want to be with you forever. I don’t want to be apart…” I was acting just like a spoiled little kid. “I want to be with you forever too, Ayaka.” As he said that, Haruto-kun gently pulled me into a soft embrace. I know it myself. Right now, I’m being incredibly clingy. But Haruto-kun didn’t look annoyed in the slightest; he was treating me with such care. Ooh… I want to stay wrapped in Haruto-kun’s arms forever… but I have to hold back… “I’m sorry. For being so selfish…” “A selfish Ayaka is cute, it’s perfectly fine.” “Mphh, you dummy…”
I offered a small protest against Haruto-kun’s kindness, which I felt like I could drown in. This won’t do. I can’t trouble him any more than this. Using all the willpower I had, I forced myself to pull away from Harutokun and put on a smile to see him off. “Sorry for holding you up. See you again.” “…Oh, right. Do you want to come over to my place tomorrow?” His invitation instantly brightened my heart. “Is that okay?” “Yeah. You said it when the fireworks festival was canceled, right, Ayaka? That you wanted to formally introduce yourself to my grandma as my girlfriend. I’m sure my grandma would be happy if you came over, too.” “Really? Well then, maybe I’ll take you up on that tomorrow.” “So, how about tomorrow afternoon?” “Okay, should we meet up at the same place we did last time I went to your house, Haruto-kun?” “Sounds good. Well, see you tomorrow then.” “Yeah! See you tomorrow!” There was still some loneliness left in my heart. But since I could see him again tomorrow, I could bear it. I gave Haruto-kun one last, tight hug, and then tried to slowly pull away. Just then, Haruto-kun’s hand came to rest on my shoulder. He gently pulled me closer, and just like that, he stole a kiss. “Okay, I’m going now. Bye-bye.” “…B-bye-bye…” Waving, Haruto-kun’s figure disappeared behind the front door. Even after he was gone, I just stood there in a daze, staring at the front door. The warm afterglow of the kiss he left behind still lingered on my lips. I wonder how long I stood there, motionless. Snapping back to my senses, I remembered what I was wearing. “My yukata… I have to change…” Completely lost in a daze, I went back to my room and changed from my yukata into my loungewear. Jeez, Haruto-kun, kissing me by surprise like that is so unfair… If you do something like that, my heart’s going to stop… But I was so happy… I’m so cherished by Haruto-kun… Just then, his words suddenly echoed in my ears.
‘From now on, for the sake of your smile, will you let me do reckless and unreasonable things?’ The moment he said those words, he completely captured my heart. I’m loved. I’m cherished. His words made me truly feel it. I never knew until now just how wonderful it feels to be cherished by the person you like. I’m completely captivated by Haruto-kun. My gaze is stolen, my heart is stolen, it’s like my entire being yearns for Haruto-kun. Haaah… I wish tomorrow would come sooner so I can see Haruto-kun… “I love him so much it hurts…” Is it okay for me to love Haruto-kun this much? But I’ve already fallen for him, so it can’t be helped. But, I like him… I like him so much… Ughn… My heart captured by Haruto-kun’s words, I told him “I like you” over and over, trying to convey my feelings, but I felt like that wasn’t enough to express even a small fraction of what was in my heart, so wanting to show him even a little bit more of how I felt, I hugged him tightly. I wonder if there were words back then that could have expressed my feelings more accurately. “…ka…” I wonder if there’s a word that can express this huge feeling swelling up inside me. “…A… ka…” But I troubled Haruto-kun when he was leaving today, so I have to be more careful next time. “Ayaka.” I don’t want Haruto-kun to think I’m an annoying and clingy person… “Hey, Ayaka? Are you okay? Ayaka?” Hm? I feel like I can hear Mom’s voice… “Hah?! Mom?!” Huh?! Wait?! Why is Mom here?! Wait, huh? I’m in the living room… When did I leave my room? I’ve already changed out of my yukata and everything… “Ayaka, are you okay? You were just staring blankly at the TV even though it wasn’t on…” “Huh? Was I?”
“What do you mean ‘Was I?’… I came home and said ‘I’m home,’ but you didn’t answer at all, so I thought you were already asleep in your room, but then I was surprised to see you sitting on the living room sofa.” “S-sorry, Mom. Um… welcome home.” As Mom peered at my face with a worried expression, I just smiled for now. “Speaking of which, it rained really hard this evening, didn’t it? The fireworks festival got canceled, right?” said mom, looking at me concered as she knew the festival got cancelled. “Ah, yeah. Actually you know, Haruto-kun came over and we had something called a ‘Home Festival’.” “A ‘Home Festival?’ I’ve never heard of that.” “He said it’s when you decorate the inside of your house like festival stalls and eat the kind of food you’d find at those stalls.” As I explained, I showed Mom the pictures I’d taken on my phone. “Well now, isn’t this amazing? Ōtsuki-kun made all this? There are even candy apples.” “I know, right? I told him that my dream was to go around the festival stalls with someone I like and watch the fireworks, so Haruto-kun went out in that awful rain to buy ingredients and things for me. Then he said, ‘Let’s go around the stalls and watch the fireworks together.’” “Oh my, my, my. And? Has Ōtsuki-kun already gone home?” “Yeah, he left.” “Hmm, I see.” Hearing all this, Mom grinned and peered into my face with a different vibe than before. “Wh-what is it?” Speaking cheerfully, mom said, “Oh, nothing. I’m just a little relieved. I thought you were all down in the dumps because you couldn’t watch the fireworks…” as she looked into my eyes. “You were just too busy thinking about Ōtsuki-kun to be anywhere but in the clouds.” “Ugh…” She’s completely right, so I can’t say anything back… “Ōtsuki-kun, appearing so gallantly in the pouring rain to make your dream come true. He’s like a hero, isn’t he? Maybe a prince on a white horse?”
“H-hey! Don’t say weird things! More importantly, hurry up and go get changed!” I made a sour face at my teasing mom. “Fufufu, and here I was worried about you. How mean.” “I get it, thank you! Now, go get changed.” “Yes, yes.” I shooed Mom out of the living room, got mugs from the kitchen, and made two cups of tea. Then, when Mom came back after changing, I offered her one of the mugs saying “Here, Mom, you wanted tea, right?” Because she was teasing me earlier, my tone came out a little blunt. “Thank you.” “Mm.” “Ahh, delicious.” “…Hey, Mom?” “Hm? What is it?” “…Mom, why did you marry Dad?” Mom always teases me about Haruto-kun right away, so it’s embarrassing to ask something like this, but I really wanted to ask Mom, who’s married to Dad and is a grand master of romance. “Did you marry him because you liked him so much?” When I asked that question, Mom laughed, “Fufufu.” I braced myself, thinking she was going to tease me again. But after taking a slow sip of her tea. Looking at me with a serious expression, mom said, “Hmm, let’s see… I started dating your dad because I fell in love with him, but getting married was a little different. If anything, I married him because I didn’t like him anymore.” “What?! You don’t like Dad, Mom?!” “That’s right, I don’t like him anymore.” N-no way?! Did I just hear a huge bombshell?! Mom and Dad are a really close couple, they were my ideal… Does this mean they were just putting on a front?! Was the Tōjō family unknowingly on the brink of collapse?! I couldn’t hide my shock at Mom’s completely unexpected answer. Seeing me like this, Mom laughed amusedly, “Kusukusu.” “Mom?! This is no time for laughing, is it?! I’m totally against a divorce!! Ryōta is still little!!”
“Fufu, don’t worry, I’d never get a divorce. You see, I haven’t ‘liked’ your dad for quite some time now.” Mom paused for a moment, took another sip of tea, then slowly directed her words at me, as if to make me understand. “You see, I don’t ‘like’ Shūichi-san. I love him.” “…Love, him?” “Yes, I love him.” TL/N: In Japanese, “suki” (好き) means “like,” often used in romantic contexts but also in casual expressions of affection. Meanwhile, “aishiteru” (愛してる – love) carries a deeper, more serious connotation of true, devoted love. Mom repeated herself and smiled brightly. “Is being `in love` different from liking someone?” “They’re similar, but a little different. That small difference is a big one.” “…?? Mom, are you teasing me again?” “No, I’m being very serious.” As I looked at her suspiciously, Mom explained with the expression she sometimes shows as a mother. “Have you ever heard the saying, Ayaka, that ‘koi is selfish desire, ai is sincere devotion’?” “No, that’s the first I’ve heard it.” “When you write ‘koi’ (恋 – love/infatuation), the character for ‘heart’ (心) is at the bottom, right? In other words, a hidden motive. ‘Koi’ is something that always seeks something in return from the other person. If you make an effort to dress up, you want to be told ‘you’re cute.’ If you give a gift, you want them to be happy and say ‘thank you.’ If you have strong feelings of love, you want the other person to love you back just as much. Calling this a ‘selfish desire’ is a bit much, but ‘koi’ is something that seeks reciprocation from the person you like.” I nodded at Mom’s words. Having fallen for Haruto-kun, I could really understand what she was saying. Whenever I’m going to see him, I always look in the mirror and think things like, ‘I wonder if Haruto-kun will say I’m cute?’ “On the other hand, in the character for ‘ai’ (愛 – love), the heart is in the middle, right? In other words, sincerity. You put yourself second. If the person you love is happy, that alone is enough. An unconditional feeling that seeks nothing in return. That’s ‘ai’.” “…So you mean you married Dad because your feelings for him changed from ‘koi’ to ‘ai’?”
“That’s right. And now, I don’t just love your dad, I love Ryōta and you too, Ayaka.” “…” Mom’s words made my heart feel all tingly. “For the happiness of you two, Ryōta and Ayaka, I wouldn’t even mind giving my own life.” “Your life? Isn’t that a little dramatic?” “When you’re conveying love, a little bit of drama is just right.” said mom, winking playfully. “But, no matter how much you love someone, don’t you still want them to say things like ‘you’re cute’ or ‘you’re beautiful’?” “That’s true. But, you know, it’s a little different when you’re ‘in love’ versus when you ‘love’ someone. It’s hard to put into words, but when you’re in ‘koi,’ you want to be cute for yourself, you want to be beautiful to capture the other person’s feelings. So when you’re complimented, you’re so happy your heart soars.” Mom seemed to be reminiscing about when she was dating Dad, and she spoke to me with a far-off look in her eyes. “But you know, when that changes to ‘ai,’ you start wanting to be cute and beautiful for the other person. To always be by their side, to be a person worthy of them. So when they say ‘you’re beautiful,’ you’re very happy, just like with ‘koi,’ but your heart… it feels calm and at ease. It warms you up from the inside. Like this is where you belong.” “I see… But… I think I might understand what you’re saying, Mom, just a little, a really tiny bit.” When we were practicing being a couple, I was always thinking about how to get Haruto-kun’s feelings directed towards me. But now, I’m starting to want to be a girlfriend who isn’t embarrassing to have by Haruto-kun’s side. I want to become someone worthy of being his girlfriend, since he’s so charming. “Is that so? Then perhaps your ‘koi’ is starting to change into ‘ai,’ Ayaka.” Saying that, Mom gazed at me with a gentle look. “Is it… maybe?” “Fufu, but you know. What I just told you is, ultimately, just my experience, my story of ‘koi’ and ‘ai.’ You, Ayaka, will have your own different ‘koi’ and ‘ai.’ So, at your own pace, without rushing, face those emotions.” “Yeah… thanks, Mom.” “You’re welcome.”
I took a sip of tea and then we laughed together. “However, what I said earlier about ‘koi is selfish desire, ai is sincere devotion’ is partly just a play on words, so you can’t say it’s true across the board.” “Come on, Mom, you’re ruining the nice talk we were having.” “’Koi’ and ‘ai’ are so complex and difficult that they can’t be expressed with just one word,” said mom, who also started laughing cheerfully. After that, I enjoyed talking with Mom for a little while longer before returning to my room. Then, getting into bed and looking up at the ceiling, I whispered softly. “’Koi is selfish desire, ai is sincere devotion,’ huh…” Where is my heart right now? But, the moment I heard the word ‘ai’ from Mom, I felt like that word fit perfectly in my heart. My feelings that I can’t fully convey with ‘I like you so much.’ If that feeling is ‘ai’… “…Is that… a little too heavy? It’s only been a few days since we started going out.” I gave a wry smile, then gently closed my eyelids. ※※※ On a summer afternoon, with the sky cleared so beautifully it was hard to believe the sudden downpour from yesterday had even happened. Today, I was visiting Haruto-kun’s house. “Welcome, Ayaka-san.” As I entered the house alongside Haruto-kun, his grandmother greeted us. “Hello. Um, this is just a little something.” “Oh my, thank you for being so thoughtful. Please, come on up to the living room and wait. I’ll make some tea now.” “Thank you very much.” I handed his grandmother a gift of baked sweets before heading up to the living room. Mmm, this house really has a faint scent of Haruto-kun that’s so comforting. I wish I could put the air from this house in a bag and take it home… “Sorry, Ayaka, for making you go to the trouble every time.” “Not at all. Don’t worry about it.”
Today’s visit has the important purpose of announcing that I’ve officially become Haruto-kun’s girlfriend. Observing this, I have to show proper respect to the Ōtsuki family. With that resolve, I sat down right next to Haruto-kun, who was seated in front of the table. “…Aren’t you hot?” “I’m fine.” Even if the room temperature was scorching, I’m confident I could stay this close to Haruto-kun. Just then, his grandmother returned, carrying a tray with snacks and tea. “Here you go.” “Thank you very much.” I accepted the tea from his grandmother and took a sip. “It’s very delicious.” At my words, his grandmother’s face crinkled into a smile, then she returned to a serious expression and bowed her head. “Ayaka-san, I am truly sorry for the trouble my grandson has caused you.” Bowing hurriedly, I exclaimed, “Huh? Ah, no! Please don’t worry about it at all! If anything, I’m the one who should be sorry for deceiving you all this time!” “Actually, I was the one who suggested Haruto-kun get a fake girlfriend. Haruto-kun wanted to apologize to you right away, but I was the one who stopped him. It’s my fault.” As I desperately defended Haruto-kun, his grandmother raised her head and looked at Haruto-kun with a soft expression. “Haruto, Ayaka-san is a very good girlfriend.” “Yeah, Ayaka is the best girlfriend I could ask for, more than I deserve.” “Haruto-kun…” His words made my chest grow warm and tight. You’re the one who’s the best boyfriend I could ask for, more than I deserve, Haruto-kun! “Ayaka-san. Haruto has lied to you once. He has that weakness, but he is a kind and considerate boy. I’m sure that from now on, he will cherish you, Ayaka-san.” “Yes! Actually, just yesterday, Haruto-kun came to see me in the pouring rain, and I truly felt how much he cherishes me!” “Is that so, is that so.”
Even now, just thinking about yesterday makes my cheeks relax into a natural smile. I excitedly reported about yesterday’s home festival, and his grandmother listened with a very happy expression. “Haruto, from now on, you must continue to cherish Ayaka-san.” His grandmother said to Haruto-kun, smiling happily at my story. “Yeah, of course. I’ll always cherish Ayaka.” Haruto-kun seemed embarrassed about his grandmother hearing about yesterday, and his face was a little red. Fufu, Haruto-kun is cute when he’s embarrassed, too… “Um, if it’s alright, I’d like to hear stories about when Haruto-kun was little.” When I made the request, his grandmother’s face lit up. “Oh my, is that so! Of course, I’ll tell you as many stories as you like. Oh, that’s right. There’s an album I haven’t shown you yet, shall we look at it while we talk?” “I want to see it! Yes, please!” I leaned forward in my seat as I replied to his grandmother’s suggestion. “Then, just wait a moment. I’ll go get the album now.” “Grandma, don’t tell any weird stories, okay?” “Yes, yes.” Brushing off Haruto-kun’s words, his grandmother left the living room. I get to hear lots of stories about when Haruto-kun was little~! As I waited in high spirits, Haruto-kun next to me had a wry smile on his face, saying Are you that interested in my childhood?” “Yep! It’s natural to want to know as much as you can about your boyfriend, right?” “…Well, I guess so.” “I still don’t know that much about you, Haruto-kun, so I want to get to know you little by little from now on.” “When you say it so clearly, it’s kind of embarrassing…” Haruto-kun said, scratching the back of his neck. I was embarrassed saying it myself, but I have to put my feelings into words properly. So that they get through to the other person. “Here you are, Ayaka-san. I brought the album.” “Wow! Thank you so much!”
After that, I listened to various stories from his grandmother and looked at the album with an embarrassed Haruto-kun. The time was so fun and happy that it flew by, and before I knew it, it was almost evening. “Oh, it’s already this late. Thank you for showing me the album! Also, it was fun hearing all sorts of stories about Haruto-kun.” “Thank you for such a fun time. From now on, please feel free to come over anytime.” “I will!” I gave a big nod to his grandmother’s kind smile. “Oh, and I have one more request before I go…” “What would that be? Please, tell me anything.” “Um, is it okay if I report to… Haruto-kun’s parents and grandfather that I’ve become his girlfriend?” When I said that, Haruto-kun and his grandmother both looked surprised. But their expressions quickly changed to happy smiles. “Of course. I’m sure my husband and those two will be delighted. Thank you.” “Ayaka… thank you.” After being thanked by the two of them, I was led to the Japanese-style room with the family altar. “Um, this is my mom and dad, and this is my grandpa.” Haruto-kun introduced the photos displayed in front of the altar. I bowed to the photos, then sat in the formal seiza position and put my hands together. Um… My name is Tōjō Ayaka, and I have recently started dating Harutokun. Um… Haruto-kun is a very wonderful, kind, and charming person, an amazing boy who is too good for me. I’ll do my best to be a girlfriend worthy of being by his side, so… um… I look forward to your blessing. When I finished my greeting in my mind, I unclasped my hands. Phew, that was a little nerve-wracking… But I’m glad I was able to properly introduce myself to Haruto-kun’s parents and grandfather. “…You look like your mother, Haruto-kun.” “Huh? Do I?” I said, looking at the photo of his parents displayed at the altar. “Yeah. Oh, but maybe your eyes are from your father.” “I can’t tell myself.” “Fufu, you’re the spitting image.”
Today was a happy day where I got to learn a lot about Haruto-kun. ※※※ On the way back from Haruto-kun’s house. Holding the hand of Haruto-kun, who was walking me home, I recalled the stories his grandmother had told me. “So you wanted to be a bus driver when you were little, Haruto-kun.” “Well, yeah.” He answered with a small, shy smile. “When I was little, the drivers who could handle those big buses so freely looked so cool to me.” “Fufu, that’s such a little boy thing.” “What did you want to be when you were little, Ayaka?” “Me? I think… I wanted to own a cake shop?” “Ah, I can see that.” Haruto-kun said, chuckling. “Ah! You were just thinking, ‘She probably thought if she owned a cake shop, she could eat all the cake she wanted!’ weren’t you!” “I see, so that’s what little Ayaka was thinking.” “Ugh… Well, cake is delicious…” Having dug my own grave, Haruto-kun laughed and agreed, “That’s true.” “Mmph… Well then, what’s your dream now, Haruto-kun?” “My dream now? Hmm, let’s see…” At my question, Haruto-kun looked up at the sky, dyed by the setting sun. “I don’t have anything concrete that I want to do yet… but for now, I want to make my grandma feel at ease. I guess I want to find a stable job that will make her think I’ll be okay on my own?” After saying that, he gave a slightly self-deprecating smile and said, “Is that a little too lacking in ambition?” For some reason, Haruto-kun’s smile, illuminated by the setting sun, looked incredibly lonely to me, and I couldn’t help but squeeze his hand tightly. “Haruto-kun…” “Plus, I have another dream now.” Haruto-kun met my eyes and squeezed my hand back. “What’s that dream?” “To make you smile.”
“Huh!” The moment Haruto-kun’s words reached my ears, my heart leaped with a thump. His face was flushed in the twilight. But his serious gaze enveloped me. My beloved, who I can’t help but be captivated by. But his expression quickly changed to an embarrassed smile. “Just kidding, was that a little too cool?” Haruto-kun laughed, “Ahahaha,” looking bashful. Feeling the frantic pounding of my heart, I hid my disobedient expression from him and softly mumbled, “Jeez… you dummy…” At that moment, I suddenly remembered what Saki had told me. —From now on, it’s time to take your time and really get to know Ōtsukikun. Saki said that the real part of a relationship starts after you begin dating. That it’s the time to spend moments together as a couple and figure out whether Haruto-kun is my fated person or not. But… I think I might already know… Because, for a while now, my feelings have been screaming over and over. ‘It’s him! He’s the one!’ It’s calling out from inside my chest, so strongly it hurts. Haruto-kun is my first love; I’ve never liked anyone else. Can I really judge if he’s my fated person based on that? A rational part of me questions it. But at the same time, the thought arises: will I ever meet someone in my life that I can like this much? Right now, I’m hopelessly, completely crazy about a boy named Ōtsuki Haruto. Someone this wonderful, this charming, who cares about me so deeply, and most of all, someone I myself love with all my heart. I don’t think there will ever be anyone else like Haruto-kun, before or after. When Saki came over for a barbecue and a sleepover, we talked about whether I would have fallen for a different guy if he had been the one who came for the housekeeping service instead of Haruto-kun. At the time, I told Saki that I wouldn’t have fallen for him, but honestly, I wasn’t confident. I couldn’t even imagine someone other than Haruto-kun coming for the housekeeping service, so I answered that I wouldn’t fall for them but…
If it had been someone kind and considerate, with high housekeeping skills like Haruto-kun, I couldn’t completely deny the possibility that I might have fallen for that person. But now, I can say it clearly. I fell for him because it was Haruto-kun. I can’t imagine anyone else. The one I love is the only one in the world. Only Haruto-kun. Wanting to convey this feeling, this feeling that has swelled up so much it feels like my chest might burst, I squeezed the hand I was holding with Haruto-kun’s tightly. “My… dream now is to be in a relationship where I can always smile with you, Haruto-kun.” “…I see.” “Yeah.” His somewhat blunt reply made my heart feel all tingly. I’m glad it’s twilight right now; no matter how red my face gets, the setting sun will hide it. I looked at our two long shadows stretching out on the ground. Then, as if to erase the gap between them, I gently leaned my body towards Harutokun. Seeing our shadows merge into one as the gap disappeared, I thought. Will a time come when I no longer “like” Haruto-kun? As I thought about that, I recalled my conversation with Mom from yesterday. My love, which began at the same time as summer vacation. My precious, precious first love. Maybe it wasn’t just a simple first love… I drew my heart closer to the warmth of Haruto-kun’s hand, which was gently but firmly holding mine. My heart is surely still in the position of “koi.” But I feel like it wants to move up. If, someday, as I share time and memories with him, it can reach the center… Hoping for that to happen, I whispered. So he wouldn’t hear, but with a wish that he would. Softly, so softly… “Haruto-kun… I love you.”
The first time in my life I’d said those words with all my heart, pouring my feelings into them. “Hm? Did you say something?” “No, it’s nothing.” At my heart’s current position, I can’t say it clearly just yet. But, if I continue to spend time by his side as his girlfriend, and my heart’s position changes. When that happens, I want to say it properly. Looking into his eyes, with all my heart. —That I love him.